EPA Cartel Hits Wyoming Billboards

Satire by Hugh Farnham

CHEYENNE, Wyoming -- State police are investigating  a mysterious billboard vandalism that appeared just off I-25, with a suited mannequin hanging from a noose.

The Clean Coal billboard was defaced sometime Friday night, said Lt. Testerberg of the Wyoming Highway Patrol.  "We have strong leads pointing to the EPA" the investigator said, puffing on a tobacco pipe.  

When reminded of the recent EPA decision to give the Wyoming city of Riverton to an Indian tribe, he remarked "Oh, there's plenty of motive and opportunity to go around.  Remember what EPA's "Caesar" Armendariz said, 'Like Romans, we march into town and crucify the first five capitalists we find.  After that, industry there is pretty easy to manage.'"

 

"This isn't new.  Last year Guns 'N Gear had their billboard defaced with a spray painted slogan  - 'Give Up Yer Guns - Or We'll Kick Down Yer Door!'" He paused to take a puff on his pipe.  "The paint can traced to a government GSA catalog buy, and then to the ATF, right here in town.  Unbelievable."

"We issued warrants, but the ATF cartel transferred the members to Connecticut.  They're worse than MS-13.  The Federales have gang chapters in every major city.  And their crime lord, "El Tio" Obama, is 1,500 miles away in the cartel-protected enclave of D.C.  Sometimes I feel like I'm playing whack-a-mole."

Plata O Plomo - Silver or Lead

"I follow the money with these crimes." He continued.  "Usually it is a protection racket.  They use regulations to squeeze some industry or capitalist, then quietly offer the deal.  Give us your silver or get the lead treatment.  Their 'silver' ends up as DNC campaign donations."

"But unlike MS-13, the Federales pump out reams of crime evidence.  I don't even need to go to the crime scene - I can Google all the evidence I need right here at my office computer, and so can you."