I'm Trying to be Charitable, Dammit

FreeThinke and I like to sit on the front porch and have long, rambling conversations about Brahms, contemporary social issues, the Circle of Fifths and blogging. He's said to me more than once that he just can't help liking Jersey McJones, and lately I've come to agree with him. Jersey is an entertainer, a thinking man's provocateur, and he taps into the age-old tradition of keeping controversy and lively argumentation alive by opposing anything and everything you say. It keeps the fires stoked.

I also feel the same way about Ducky. We have tangled for years here in Right Blogistan, but I enjoy his insight and biting sarcasm. It shocked me when he seemed to take genuine offense when I called Bernie Sanders, "Boob Bait for Bolsheviks."

So, let me back up and explain...

I tried adopting a new attitude sometime last year, and really, I've been evolving over the years. I started out as a flag-waving rightwing Christian conservative and die-hard Freeper, but I'm now a jaded libertarian Libertarian who still clings to his guns, guitars, and Bible, but realizes its all in God's hands.

People may not have noticed my efforts to be more charitable, because I will bring out the nuclear powered blowtorch when called for, especially when me and my buddies have been spending some time with ol' Jack and I decide to look in on the blogs before staggering off to bed...

I have tried. Perhaps it doesn't come across, but I value and respect the opinions of Dave Miller, Ducky and Jersey. I greatly admire our British Laborite friend Jez. Ronald Ward is welcome here also, but his points often get lost in his prolixity... and that attitude. He comes off like a pathetic and huffy fire drill coordinator in a windstorm, toupee flapping, red cheeks puffy because no one is listening to his forty pages of instructions.  Then he pulls the bad parody of a snooty professor, demanding essays from everyone on every hairbrained opinion he spouts.  It's tedious.  But I try.

But I write today to clear up some old business. I called Bernie Sanders "Boob Bait for Bolsheviks," and I meant no insult by it.  It's shorthand, and it's funny. This is blogging, not the Harvard debating society.  When I argue with you, please don't take it personally.  We all use these little short-hands, and usually they're amusing.  Below are a few from me.

Neologisms  

Boob Bait for Bolsheviks: 1) Bernie Sanders as Clinton tool. 

2) Allows liberals who vote for Hillary in the general election (and we know they all will...) to salve their consciences by being able to say they voted for socialist Sanders in the primary. As a bonus, they can keep the Bernie! bumper sticker on their car. 

3) A riff off of Senator Daniel Patrick Moynihan's comment that Bill Clinton's welfare reform was "boob bait for bubbas." 

Prog:  Short for Progressive, or proglodyte, depending on how upset the user of the word is.

D-Bagger:  Leftwing true believer.  Everything the sneering lefties think of the tea partiers? We hold D-Baggers in the same contempt.

DemonCrap Party: Who can argue that the once-great party of Give 'em Hell Harry and JFK has devolved into the devil's excrement?

In the interest of comity and parity, here's a neologism from Kook and Criers:

BOOBS: Billionaires and Oligarchs Opposing Bernie Sanders

Got any neologisms?  Put 'em out there in the comments.

Islamosis

Editor's Note:  Today's outing is a guest post by a Boone County Professor known to us as bocopro.  Enjoy!

Islamosis

Strange, strange syndrome, this highly contagious Islamosis that is pandemic throughout western Asia and northern Africa and now spreading into Europe and North America. Purely psychosomatic in origin, Islamosis manifests itself primarily in two areas of the body: the higher-order logic centers of the neocortex; and the bodily integument.

Sociologists and neurosurgeons working in conjunction with experienced in-situ physicians and psychiatrists from several advanced nations have distilled the causal factors down to three: rampant male paranoia, complete lack of raison d’etre, and simple jealousy.

Symptoms of Islamosis first appear outwardly on the skin, the integument, in a condition which doctors have named Muslimitis, which alters the skin layers to become so abnormally thin that it quickly festers and becomes necrotic if agitated in any way, particularly rubbing in an uncomfortable direction.

At that stage, although the condition remains entirely psychosomatic, it takes on characteristics of a typical bacterial or viral infection, becoming highly contagious, particularly through sharing of printed materials such as leaflets, magazines, and books written in Arabic which plagiarize and pervert traditional religions. Much evidence exists to suggest that it can spread also by word of mouth as well as by electronic messaging.

Immediately following the initial infection, the neocortex of the afflicted individual morphs into a slimy froth, much like what would result from collecting pond scum and mucus and mixing them in a high-speed blender. Reasonable discussion, logical decision-making, and normal social interaction become impossible for the victim.

The next stage is known as Jihadoma, in which the individual becomes irrational and violent, often joining other victims in mobs and frenzies characterized by anti-everything gibberish and chest-thumping twaddle. All the classic symptoms of paranoia can be seen in his behavior at this point. Many victims then further degenerate into what is known as Cartoonophobia, a serious behavioral paroxysm resulting in uncontrollable rage at the sight of 7th century pedophiles being depicted in unflattering situations on paper.

Once fully involved in Cartoonophobia, the final inevitable stage occurs: Martyrisis, the delusion that slaughtering innocent infidels will heap lasting credit upon the name of the Islamosis sufferer and transport him to an alternate reality filled with camels which spit dates, oases which flow with milk and honey, and dozens of personal concubines of indeterminate gender and species.

The only cure known for this dangerous condition is cerebrum upgrade, a delicate surgical procedure in which the damaged neocortex is replaced by that of a howler monkey, or a pig if no suitable monkey can be found. Failing that, the most effective treatment is insertion of 50 to 60 grams of either lead or copper directly into the brainstem at an upward angle of approximately 45 degrees.

Dr. Wadda Ghuque, a board-certified psychologist, provides the following insight, which he has recorded in many sessions with Islamosis sufferers:

“Society has treated me badly. My mother was distant and frightened of my father, who was ignorant and brutal. I was picked on in school and not allowed to form any real relationships with girls of my own age. Since I spent all my time memorizing the Qur’an, I didn’t learn any marketable skills, so I can’t find a decent job. Praise Allah that Islam, through our Prophet Muhammad’s dictations (PBUH), gives me authority to wreak my vengeance on a cold, cruel, blind world.”

The statement is not a direct quote from any specific individual, merely a composite of related utterances by multiple victims. Still, there can be no disagreement that it identifies much of the problem in the Islamic mind. Dr. Ghuque, along with many of his colleagues, hasten to add that many young Muslim men (women are not permitted to share their opinions in public, if they have any) are privately covetous of what they see as happiness and fulfillment amongst followers of other belief systems, such as Christianity, Buddhism, Judaism, and Hinduism, and have concluded that if they can’t be happy, then they want no one else to be either.

As one young man, whose identity must be withheld for ethical doctor-patient reasons, said:

“Dammit, it’s tough to watch all those girls, their open faces framed in glorious hair of different colors, their vibrant skin right out there for the eye to see, shaking their booties, having great fun, drinking beer, eating bacon cheeseburgers, while I’m stuck here with this miserable falafel and cous-cous and hot tea watching who-knows-what-the-hell-that-is wrapped up in a tent and smelling like she hasn’t had a decent bath in a month. Makes a guy want to go shoot somebody.”

 

Obambulating Towards Destruction

Obambulate v. 1) To wander or walk about in an aimless fashion. 2) To preside or lead in an aimless, backward, or downward fashion. 3) To conceive in hope but give birth to disaster.

Green Energy Update!

Progressives are sacrificing millions of starving poor people upon the altar of Gaia...

But with food prices rising sharply in recent months, many experts are calling on countries to scale back their headlong rush into green fuel development, arguing that the combination of ambitious biofuel targets and mediocre harvests of some crucial crops is contributing to high prices, hunger and political instability.  (NY Times - Food Prices Stir Concern Cars)

The World Bank has warned that rising food prices, driven partly by rising fuel costs, are pushing millions of people into extreme poverty.(BBC - Food Prices Driving Millions to Poverty)

Liberal compassion for the poor and downtrodden is a sick joke.  Grand schemes of the left have killed over 100 million people and continue to enslave millions more. 

Photochop courtesy of Chicago Ray