EPA Cartel Hits Wyoming Billboards

Satire by Hugh Farnham

CHEYENNE, Wyoming -- State police are investigating  a mysterious billboard vandalism that appeared just off I-25, with a suited mannequin hanging from a noose.

The Clean Coal billboard was defaced sometime Friday night, said Lt. Testerberg of the Wyoming Highway Patrol.  "We have strong leads pointing to the EPA" the investigator said, puffing on a tobacco pipe.  

When reminded of the recent EPA decision to give the Wyoming city of Riverton to an Indian tribe, he remarked "Oh, there's plenty of motive and opportunity to go around.  Remember what EPA's "Caesar" Armendariz said, 'Like Romans, we march into town and crucify the first five capitalists we find.  After that, industry there is pretty easy to manage.'"

 

"This isn't new.  Last year Guns 'N Gear had their billboard defaced with a spray painted slogan  - 'Give Up Yer Guns - Or We'll Kick Down Yer Door!'" He paused to take a puff on his pipe.  "The paint can traced to a government GSA catalog buy, and then to the ATF, right here in town.  Unbelievable."

"We issued warrants, but the ATF cartel transferred the members to Connecticut.  They're worse than MS-13.  The Federales have gang chapters in every major city.  And their crime lord, "El Tio" Obama, is 1,500 miles away in the cartel-protected enclave of D.C.  Sometimes I feel like I'm playing whack-a-mole."

Plata O Plomo - Silver or Lead

"I follow the money with these crimes." He continued.  "Usually it is a protection racket.  They use regulations to squeeze some industry or capitalist, then quietly offer the deal.  Give us your silver or get the lead treatment.  Their 'silver' ends up as DNC campaign donations."

"But unlike MS-13, the Federales pump out reams of crime evidence.  I don't even need to go to the crime scene - I can Google all the evidence I need right here at my office computer, and so can you."

We are the New Saudi Arabia

No, we're not going to start caning people (although I could think of a few public figures who richly deserve it).  We won't be punishing women for leaving the kitchen and driving, or charging them with sorcery.  We certainly won't follow Saudi Arabia's footsteps by killing homosexuals or funding Islamic terrorists.

We are the new Saudi Arabia, only with blessedly liberated women, loud and proud gay people, and pork BBQ.  We are sitting on top of a bountiful cornucopia of energy:

How vast are these resources? Here are some numbers:

Coal Resources

• The United States has 486 billion short tons of recoverable coal. This is enough coal to provide 464 years of electricity at today's current rate of coal consumption.
• While this is an incredible amount of coal, it is actually a very conservative estimate. This is because the estimate does not include Alaska's coal resources and Alaska holds more coal than then entire lower 48 combined.

 Oil Resources

• North America has nearly 1.8 trillion barrels of recoverable oil. That is twice as much as the combined reserves of all OPEC nations.  
• In oil shale resources alone, the United States has 1 trillion barrels of oil. This is nearly four times as large as Saudi Arabia's proven oil reserves. But due to regulations, these resources are essentially locked up.

Natural Gas Resources

• North America holds 4.2 quadrillion cubic feet of natural gas. That is enough natural gas to satisfy the United State's current natural gas demand for 575 years.
• This is more natural gas than the combined proved natural gas reserves of the next five nations (more than Russia, Iran, Qatar, Saudi Arabia, and Turkmenistan combined). (Debunking the Myth)  

Imagine you've been driving a little crapbox of a car that gets poor gas mileage, is expensive and only works half the time.  If that's all you had, you'd just have to live with it and be thankful for what you've got.

Now imagine that a much better vehicle had been available all along, for a cheaper price, better gas mileage and ironclad reliability.  Imagine that the government had been keeping this vehicle a secret from you. You'd be pretty upset, wouldn't you?

Well, that's what government is trying to do to us with energy.  We are spilling over with oil, natural gas, and coal, yet the green corporatists insist on cramming down our throats wind, solar and battery powered toy cars that catch fire.  Worse, these immature technologies are unreliable and much more expensive than their time-tested rivals.  Forcing them upon a free and prosperous people requires government intervention!

That's what the green agenda is all about:  Tax and restrict and regulate and harry the fossil fuels industry until it is just as expensive as the green dreams.  If you can't gain the pinnacle on your own merits, just drag everybody else down to your debased level.

That is the difference between capitalism and socialism.  Capitalism raises a society up through competition.  The "Robber Barons" lowered the cost of lighting our homes and traveling as they competed for our business.  Socialism levels everybody flat in the name of equality.

We need to kick Obama and the Pelosicrats to the curb before they destroy the nation.  We have cheap and abundant energy; we'd be crazy not to use it.