About that election...

Missing Bush White House e-mails Found

Things have been way too intense here lately. Time to lighten it up with a blast from the past. This is probably the last year Obama can blame Bush, so lets savor it while it lasts...

Dick Cheney Must Be Behind It!

Computer experts have recovered 22 million Bush White House e-mails previously thought lost or destroyed (22 million!) and Bush foes who had filed lawsuits to have them handed over are jubilant.

WASHINGTON (AP) - Computer technicians have found 22 million missing White House e-mails from the administration of President George W. Bush, according to two groups that are settling lawsuits they filed over the failure by the Bush White House to install an electronic record keeping system.

Bush haters have been devouring the e-mails like a pack of ravenous wolves.  One Cheney e-mail to the president has them particularly excited:

Well, George, I'm off to my secret, underground, undisclosed torture chamber.  Got a fresh shipment of jihadis in and I want to test out the new cattle prod.  The bullwhip just ain't cutting it anymore.  I want 'em pissin' their pants when I get my torture on!  Bwahahahahaha!  -- Dick

White House Manipulated Gas Prices

Other e-mail traffic reveals the source of the gasoline price spike in 2007:  President Bush accidentally bumped the secret dial under his desk that he used to control global petroleum prices.

He had purposely turned it down in 2004 to get reelected, then eased it back up slightly to keep the Big Oil cronies happy.  But he apparently got excited while eavesdropping on an ordinary citizen's phone call to Sweden and slammed his knee into the dial, sending prices skyward.  The impact was so severe he had to give up mountain biking for a week. 

Despite that, he didn't realize what he'd done until campaign money began gushing in from corrupt oil companies with thank you notes attached.  The event prompted this e-mail to the energy secretary:

Hey Tater!
Damn, still can't believe I did that...  Can we blame the gas price increase on France?  Just askin'  heh heh heh...  -- The Decider

More Embarrassing E-Mails

There are supposedly other embarrassing e-mails, including one where the former president compares Nancy Pelosi to a washed up drag queen and threatens to lasso Keith Olbermann and pull him behind his horse like Ben Cartwright did to a bad guy on a Bonanza episode.

It is also rumored that in one piquant missive, Vice President Cheney offered to "Butcher that fatass Michael Moore like the hog that he is," and unfavorably compared Senator John Kerry to a flaccid male appendage, but that has yet to be confirmed.

Don't believe me?  Go read the story here:  Breitbart

Weekend Humor

Why?  Because we need it...

I know I do.  If Romney vs. Obama doesn't make you want to gouge out your eyes, light yourself on fire and run screaming off of a cliff, I don't know what will...



Nuthin' some Jack Daniels, BBQ and playing music with friends won't solve.  One of my buddies is bringing over a banjo he just inherited from his grandpa.

My new favorite thing is Cracked.com.  I remember Cracked from my childhood as the alternative to Mad Magazine for the discriminating pre-teen boy, and I didn't realize until the other day that they had a web site.  Who doesn't, I guess...

Anyway, here are a couple of snippets that had me laughing so hard I had tears in my eyes, and that hasn't happened for a long time.  It's a little racy, but nothing too over the top.  As a bonus, since it has Cher in metal underwear I can tag this as a Rule 5 post!

What follows is all from Cracked, not my cracked brain.  I only wish I were this inventive.  Chime in and let us know which were your favorites ...

The 19 Most Hilariously Failed Attempts at Sexy Album Covers

# 6.  Whitesnake - Love Hunter

There's a lot going on in this album cover, and all of it is awesome. But what you can't see is what happened moments later. The snake actually got this woman pregnant. Nine months later, she gave birth to a full-size 1978 Ford Econoline Van with an airbrushed picture of a Viking riding a fire breathing dragon through the night sky on the side of it.

# 10.  Cher -  Take Me Home

Nothing turns on a man like metal lingerie that, by our count, has 13 different points capable of tearing open your scrotum if she makes an unexpected move.

8 Impressively Sarcastic Amazon Product Reviews (Part 3)

#5. Ready America 77100 Cat Evacuation Kit

Your first thought might be, "Is this a joke product?" No, you asshole. Some people, when faced with a fire or earthquake, might want to leave the house with their cat safely restrained and well-supplied instead of releasing it into the street to be run over by an arriving emergency vehicle. Maybe this product isn't for you if you like to throw your cat into the path of approaching fire trucks, but some people can make use of it.

Sorry, I'm supposed to be presenting sarcastic reviews, not writing them. As you can guess, most of the jokes come from misunderstood instructions, although each of these reviewers decided to go a different direction.

College: It's Not Just For Smart People!

Philosophy Major

Red diaper rash ranters are marching on Wall Street and squalling for free stuff.  Among their list of demands is "free college education."

Graduates from prestigious universities with advanced degrees in Lesbian Dance and Ethnic Studies are shocked and outraged to find they are unemployable.  And they want you and I to pay off their substantial and ill-considered student loans.

They should be marching on the colleges and universities that screwed them.  They should be occupying the offices of the counselors who steered them away from math and science and instead put them on the path that leads to angry activism, unemployment lines and the crash of unwarranted self-esteem.

Higher education is ripping us off, according to the Mercury News:

Nationally, college is getting less affordable every year... Overall, tuition increased 439 percent from 1982 to 2006, while median family income increased 147 percent and the consumer price index 106 percent, the study found.

When is Congress going to drag college administrators before its pompous committees and demand Big Education stop gouging the consumer?

Finally, here's a link to a hilarious look at the 10 Most Worthless College Degrees.

The article counts them down from 10 to 1. Here are a few excerpts:

9. Philosophy:
Why It Won’t Help You Get a Job: This isn’t ancient Greece: No one is going to pay you money, or allow you to sodomize their attractive son, in exchange for your knowledge of existence. Never has there been an employer who’s said “Man, we’re having all kinds of problems, I wish we had someone on our team who could reference and draw conclusions from the story of Siddhartha that would pull up our fourth quarter numbers ...

4. English Lit:
Why It Won’t Help You Get a Job: If someone can spend a weekend with a box of Cliff’s Notes and have only a slightly less conversational knowledge of what you spent 4 years studying, you probably don’t have the most employer friendly degree. ...

Mitt Romney a Cyborg, Ron Paul Supporters Allege

Courtesy of Proof Positive

"Dude, he's like so upright and never makes a mistake. And what does he put in his hair, shellack?" said 23-year-old anti-war activist Shay Leggard.

Romney supporter Norman Workman dismissed the robot allegations as the ramblings of pot-smoking draft-dodgers.

"That's bogus, dude!" countered Leggard, spilling bong water all over his medical marijuana card, adding an emphatic "dammit," before warning reporters to clear out before his mom got home from work and "got all pissed because there's too many people in the house."

I love this picture.  Wish I'd thought of it...

A big-time blogger quoted me!

How cool is this?  Walter Russell Mead quoted me in a blog post!  And he agreed with me.  It was a comment I made in a previous post of his, concerning discipline and self-improvement.

  I'm the second quote that he introduces with ... " Another reader countered, writing..."

Check it out here: http://blogs.the-american-interest.com/wrm/2011/09/11/self-improvement-isnt-only-for-elites/

Professor Mead writes cogently of the failures of "The Blue Model."  Yeah, anybody, including me, can write about that, but he provides in-depth analysis and explores solutions.  I highly recommend him to my fellow Right Blogistan thinkers.

Rick Perry Pledges to Blow Up Hoover Dam

Rick Perry continues to fascinate me. He is the only candidate other than Ron Paul who poses a real threat to both the GOP Establishment and the Obama Democrats.

Karl Rove has stopped attacking democrats and is now going all MSNBC on Perry.  In response, the left has gone from bawling for The Texas Turd Blossom’s imprisonment to praising his Perry-bashing sagacity.


The reason I like Perry right now is because he has kicked off a loud and much-needed dialog about the size and scope of government, complete with talk of jobs, overregulation and tort reform. He’s not the only conservative itching for such a throwdown, but he’s attracted the brightest spotlight and he’s the only candidate with a real record of grappling with these issues.

Here’s a news excerpt that reveals the media's barely disguised hatred of the man:

(API – Herford Station, Iowa) To clamorous crowds of government-hating Tea Partiers, Rick Perry pledged to blow up Hoover Dam if elected president.

He also removed any doubt about whether he was packing heat by shooting out a chandelier in the ball room where he held his post-rally press conference. When confronted by horrified reporters, most still cowering under tables, he replied that the offending light fixture “looked too French,” as he calmly tucked the Smith & Wesson Model 500 back inside his jacket.

A disheveled CNN reporter with a visible wet spot covering his crotch indignantly challenged the Texas governor’s hostility to all things government. “Why do you hate welfare babies and infrastructure?” “You just want to blow up government!”

“Yeah,” replied Perry, eyes narrowing to slits, “and y’all don’t even want to know what I got planned for that yapping pack of French Poodles y’all call the press corpse.”

Governor Perry wrapped up the press conference by forcibly baptizing a crying msnbc reporter in a bucket of Jack Daniels while loudly shouting, “praise Jesus!”

Brilliant conservative commentator Jeff Jacoby then stood up and efficiently batted down the liberal “conservatives hate government” meme:

But it isn’t highways or veterans’ programs or minority voting rights that conservatives find so objectionable about Washington. When Perry speaks of making the nation’s capital “inconsequential,’’ he isn’t proposing to dismantle the Hoover Dam. Hard as it may be for liberals to accept, the Republican base isn’t motivated by blind loathing of the federal government, or by a nihilistic urge to wipe out the good that Washington has accomplished.

What conservatives believe, rather, is what America’s Founders believed: that government is best which governs least, [...]

But as government grows larger and more powerful, it crowds out private action. It replaces local, familiar, and organic institutions with remote bureaucratic ones. As state and federal governments swell, taking over functions that used to be left to individuals and voluntary organizations, communities are weakened.

Increasingly citizens are taught to rely on government, rather than on themselves or their neighbors. They develop a sense of entitlement, and entitlement in turn fuels selfishness. (Jeff Jacoby – When Inconsequential Means Better)

Bill Bennett explains Why Rick Perry is a Strong Candidate, reminding us that before the candidacy and before the pathetic Demagogic party attacks, Perry’s Texas attracted a lot of non-partisan praise:

In 2009, one nonpartisan poll of business executives ranked Texas as "the No. 1 state to do business" for the fourth year in a row. And, the Economist magazine highlighted Texas in 2009 as "Lone Star Rising" with a subtitle to its special report: "Thanks to low taxes and light regulation, Texas is booming." This was in addition to several favorable data points comparing Texas to California in a separate piece in the magazine.

Ed Morrissey explains how twisted statistics lure in Jersey Shore liberals who fail to pause and notice the lack of a statistical baseline or detect the common trick of comparing dissimilar or different time periods. If it sounds too good (or too bad) to be true, it probably is.

For the opposing viewpoint, see American Prospect explain Perry’s Pitfalls

My favorite article about Governor Perry is by liberal Texan James C. Moore. I wish I could write like this talented man…

Romney has business experience and intellect that are not on Perry's resume' but he is from "Massatoositts," (Webster's Texas Edition, see also "Massachusetts"), and Texans love to kick their political boots into New Englanders' squishy parts. (Why Rick Perry is headed to the White House)

Game on!

Bad Medicine

 

H/T to an old war buddy who's still in the game

Ten Thoughts to Ponder

OD's The one smoking

It's Saturday, time for something frivolous... 

Here's another e-mail item, courtesy of  my old Air Force buddy, OD.  We fought the drug wars in South America with radios and rum...





Ten Thoughts to Ponder

Number 10:  Life is sexually transmitted.

Number 9:  Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.

Number 8:  Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny. If you see him without an erection, make him a sandwich .

Number 7:  Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day. Teach a person to use the Internet and they won't bother you for weeks.

Number 6:  Some people are like a Slinky-not really good for anything, but you still can't help but smile when you shove them down the stairs.

Number 5:  Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals, dying of nothing.

Number 4:  All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.

Number 3:  Why does a slight tax increase cost you $800.00, and a substantial tax cut saves you $30.00?

Number 2:  In the 60's, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.

Number 1:  Life is like a jar of Jalapeno peppers--what you do today, might burn you tomorrow.

And a bonus...

Just put a deposit down on a brand new Porsche & mentioned it on Facebook. I said, "I can't wait for the new 911 to arrive!" Next thing I know 4000 Muslims have friended me and Homeland Security has my house surrounded.  The illegals who live next door sure got a good laugh.