Twerked Off

Like old men of previous generations, I look at our booty-shaking culture and shake my head...

I am not a prude.  I love women, I find them alluring, and seeing them naked turns me on.  That doesn't make me a pervert; it makes me a man.  Having said that, I'm faithful to my wife, I'm not a peeping tom, I don't go to strip bars (is there a more inappropriate named place than a "Gentleman's Club?"), I don't buy skin magazines, and I try my best to avoid the universal temptation of one-click-away internet pornography. 

My problem with our slut culture must be generational.  I came of age with Madonna.  I remember when she was cute and sassy, still shedding the last of her baby fat.  She was naughty, and I had a boyhood crush on her.  Then she transmogrified into the stringy, muscled dominatrix from hell who pleasured herself with microphones and aggressively tongue-kissed girls young enough to be her daughters on national TV, and her spell on me was broken.

I prefer the quiet, non-pornographic beauty of a Shania Twain, Joan Jett (OK, Jett's beauty was loud, but it was not pornographic), or even Jennifer Lopez, who knows how to be sexy while keeping it classy.  She doesn't have that "look at me, I'll debase myself in any embarrassing way to get your attention!" desparation about her.  A woman can be sexy while still being classy, but we're seeing less and less of that magical combination.

Making sex tapes, imitating a dog in heat on stage, stripping naked and hyper-sexualizing yourself does not make you more appealing.  It makes you boring.  You've lost your mystique (apologies to Betty Friedan.  I've never read the book).  You threw it out there, the male doggies fought with one another to hump you, the hooting baboons fondled themeselves over you, and then the 15 minutes were up, and the door on your pornographic peep show slammed shut.  Paris Hilton, anyone?  And a surprising number of young men see Kim Kardashian as the slut that she is.

Most of the 20th century's sexiest and most alluring women never posed nude.  The few of those who did, did so in tasteful poses, reminiscent of the great nudes of the art world.  They were also never caught in public acting like two-bit whores.

When you've literally exposed everything, there's nothing left, especially if you're an empty-headed moron with nothing besides your body to offer.  And I say that with a profound sadness, because ultimately, all a human being truly possesses is her humanity, her very own being.  The most tragic loss a person can experience is loss of self.

See also:  Camille Paglia:  Miley Cyrus, Go Back to School!